Things We Don’t Want to Tell Ourselves

Things We Don't Want To Tell Ourselves -

I am okay. I am fine. No, actually, I am not but I also don’t want to hear anyone’s suggestions or opinions. I have always been extremely private even in front of friends and people who are close to me. That’s just how I am. Dealing with things on my own terms, at my own pace.


Sometimes, shit hits the fan though. I soldiered on, ticked off all the boxes of my lists. Went on with a smile and with an open ear for other’s problems. When is enough enough? This week, I was in distress. Horrific nightmares let me wake up night after night, I soldiered on. I felt off, I felt like something stuck in my throat not able to swallow it down, or make it vanish. Still, I soldiered on, focused. A friend needs advice. Sure, what can I do for you?


I read three books simultaneously and don’t know the plot of one of them. I wouldn’t even be blogging if it wasn’t for the #28DaysOfBlogging challenge, but I am also thankful I decided to participate. It freed me.


“People need to tell about their dark days, how should others possibly know that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows?!”


It’s right, isn’t it? I know it is. I read it earlier today in Orlando‘s post about the recent bullets he had to take and I decided to not post some kind of roundup, but rather talk real life with you guys.


About a month ago a childhood friend of mine died. One day after her 35 birthday. She just found out she was pregnant. She had a little migraine, she said. We surprised her with a little birthday get-together and she trembled and fell and was dead. It was a stroke and there was nothing that could’ve been done, they said. I honestly don’t remember how I even made it since then. I don’t know if the reality of a sudden death hit me so hard? The fact, that she finally was so happy and content after years of being served only bullshit? Or the fact, that I am going to turn 35 as well pretty soon? It just doesn’t make sense. It feels like nothing is worth holding on to. I think that’s part of the things we don’t want to tell ourselves.


Last week my grandma died. Sadly, we weren’t very close the last couple of years. Dementia took the best of her and it was gut-wrenching seeing her like this to be honest. My other beloved grandma died a few years ago and now the last one of the family, of that generation. Both had very full lives with nearly 90 and 95 years old. But, still… I don’t know if it’s fair to feel abandoned right now. I even want to roll my eyes on myself and point out how selfish that sounds. But, still… I want to keep myself accountable, I want to stay true to myself and show you the real me. Even if it’s not so pretty at times. If it wouldn’t be for the blogging challenge, I would most likely hide under my blanket and be gone for a while. That’s now how it works though. I know that!


This weekend it all came together. My meticulously planned house of cards, my plan on how to soldier on despite all of it, imploded. There’s no facade, I can keep up anymore. “Fine”, I said, “you win, life!” I didn’t leave my couch all day, despite ordering pizza. And I took all the naps and had calming tea instead of coffee. I know I will be fine again.


But you know what? This is me. This is the imperfect, wounded but not broken, sad and vulnerable side of me and that’s absolutely fine. I am not great right now, but I will be again.



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4 Podcasts For Your Daily Commute

4 Podcasts For Your Daily Commute |

If you’re anything like me and I like to think that you are, you love a good read and energetic tunes. Especially in the mornings, I like something to listen to on my way to work. These days I am all about podcasts. Who isn’t really? My morning commute might only be somewhere between 10 to 20 minutes, but these podcasts make me wish it would take me a little longer to get to work…


The Love Bomb with Nico Tortorella

If you love Younger, you love Josh or Nico Tortorella in real life. His interview The Future Man with Vulture about sexual fluidity, created quite some buzz. He went on to introduce The Love Bomb, where he talks with friends, ex-partners and people he loves. Favorite episodes so far: E4 – A Man I Loved Named Kyle, E3 – A Girl I Love Named Molly and The Love Bomb Preview



The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast

She’s a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. He’s a serial entrepreneur. Both are very smart cookies. And that’s only what their intro suggest. Power couple Lauryn Evarts and Michael Bosstick talk about lifestyle, business, branding, beauty and books and interview each other, their friends and bloggers and writers alike. Listening to them is quite a ride, especially when The Barenaked Cucumber comes in, but go listen for yourself! Favorite episodes so far: EP20 – Mental Toughness with Seth Browning, EP23 – Saint Tropez with Alex + Gene Ciccolo and I believe there was one with Lauryn’s late grandmother that I can’t find anymore but loved very much ♥



Sophia Amoruso’s #Girlboss Radio

I am sure this lady doesn’t need an introduction, right?! Nasty Girl founder, #GirlBoss writer and badass of many things, Sophia Amoruso is now podcasting! I haven’t had a chance to listen to all of the episodes just yet, but I’ve been taking notes and quite a few. Go listen! Favorite episodes so far: Talk with Hannah Bronfman, Grace Bonney and Emily Weiss ♥



Fearless Rebelle Radio with Summer Innanen

I already talked about my rejection towards diet culture here. Summer’s podcast is important nowadays and I can’t believe I only discovered it a few days ago. It’s very powerful and her message screams feminism and body acceptance. Check it out! Favorite episodes so far: FRR 24 Body image and chronic illness, FRR 79 Body Positivity 101 ♥




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Best Of Food

Best of Food Blog Posts |

We can’t crawl down the Spunkyrella archives and not talk about food, right?! And let me tell you I found some good stuff there from many years ago. It’s funny though. My taste sure changed over the years but I still don’t like to strictly follow a recipe. I am more a whip-up-as-you-go kinda girl and I almost always like the outcome of it. These archived gems seem perfect for the upcoming weekend. Cozied up on the couch with a hot cup or prepping a batch of homemade granola? I can see it happening, people!



Homemade Granola That Rocks

I love when I whip something up that ends up so delicious that it becomes one of my staples. This oat-free homemade granola is just the best evidence. So easy to make, delicious, healthy and budget-friendly. What’s not to love?   More here



A Hot Cup Of Cacao Andalùz

Three years ago my coworker surprised me with this heavenly hot beverage and I am hooked ever since. Think of it as hot chocolate on healthy steroids and you will be all in as well. Unless you don’t like some premium cocoa, but honestly, who are you people?!   More here



Relaxing Rosemary Green Tea Milk

Speaking of hot winter drinks, I guess you might like this one too. A sad little twig of rosemary is what inspired this take on a summer recipe and helped me through the aftermath of a root canal. Believe me when I say it’s the best to calm down. I have obviously done the unpleasant field work!   More here



The Easy Couscous Salad

I know Summer is still a mere months away but this recipe really works all year round. I recently added some red beets and it was incredibly delicious. Just give it a try if you have some leftover veggies around and love couscous. You won’t be disappointed!   More here




(Image via solitude)


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Best Of Home + Interior

At Home Best Of -

It’s day two of the archive purge and I found the perfect home interior posts to share again with you today. The At Home category was born because I have such a knack for interior design and love to shop for home decor and find true steals here and there. With the new home and the renovations that were going on for the last few months, I stepped back on the decor front in order to finish the dirty work first.


When March arrives I am finally able to actually properly furnish the place. I look forward to share my new home inspiration with you very soon. For now, let’s talk about past topics such as


The Feng Shui of Front Doors

I will never forget when I heard about that concept and immediately had to share it with you guys. I can’t believe that was almost 4 years ago! Grab a compass and find out which direction your front door is facing. More here


Dream Home Coffee Bar

I can’t wait to find the perfect side table to finally make that one happen! Now, that I have a place large enough, it’s funny to read that post. Looking back, I never thought I will find the right apartment to move into. I am only living in the new place for around 8 months now, but it feels like I moved forever ago. More here


Would you live in a tiny house?

I was pretty obsessed with Tiny House Hunters last year. The tiny house living movement still amazes me to this day. I picked out my very favorite ones and find them still dreamy. More here


4 Takes on Spring home decor

Just a few more weeks and Winter will finally be over for now. I elaborated on a few must-have Spring additions to my new home in this post. I am still enamored with that neon yellow lantern! More here




(Image by Henrik Nero via Scandinavian Homes)

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The Best Of Beauty

The Best of Beauty -

With almost 600 posts under my belt, I thought I am raiding the Spunkyrella archives for a bit. There are posts that sure deserve to be in the spotlight once again. Today, I want to crawl down the beauty rabbit hole with you for the very first installment of The Best of Beauty. You in?


5 Days of Masks – Beautitox by Ms. Soho

Last year, for #29DaysOfBlogging, I silenced the inner grown-up and went rogue on all things online beauty shopping. Thank you, Instagram! I found Ms. Soho products thanks to my natural face mask obsession and took one for the time for the upcoming 5 days.  More here



4 Ways to flirt with charcoal right now

Oh, that’s a good one from way back. When charcoal became the new kale in beauty terms, I decided to put together a few products with charcoal products to try. I am still obsessed with charcoal toothpaste and a juice based on activated charcoal from time to time.  More here



soft winter hands in 3 tubes + one pot

Winter weather and rough skin obviously inspired me to share my favorite hand creams back in the day. I am still going strong with these, though one of them sadly was discontinued. Keep your hands soft and save with this best of beauty post!  More here



The Daily Face Product Roundup

Granted, this one was quite an extensive post and for many of you way too many products I used. I get that. My skin wasn’t the best back then and it took a little effort to look as natural but still flawless as possible. Oh, the struggle! I think it’s time for a more current update very soon, nevertheless it was a good one. Don’t you think?  More here



The Frank Body Lip Duo

I never thought a lip regimen can have me at hello, but this one is still in daily use. Believe it or not! The lip scrub is working it’s magic once a week and the lip balm is my favorite early morning choice. This one has to have another moment in the spotlight for sure!  More here




(Image by Minimaliving)


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